So long its been. Forgot I had this.

I work like crazy now and I drive all over the bay area since I got my new job at the Reproductive Science Center. I just neeed something to vent in because my thoughts are going to crowd my studying.

I have a new promotion coming up pretty soon. Right now I deal with IUI patients, which is simple enough, don't get me wrong it is ALOT of work, but I can handle it well enough since I started back in.. what May?

Now I am getting placed into a position of Nurse Case Manager for IVF patients.

OMG what a work load that is going to be. IVF is so complicated I cant even begin to understand it right now. Look at it this way, IUI cycles are simple, basic and there aren't any ways to deviate or alter them. So really I need to know 2/3 cycles which dont entail much.

VS

IVF, which the cycles can be done 5 different ways and they consist of WAY more than IUI cycles. It means more money, it means the possibility of me getting my apartment closer to work since I am in San Ramon, but.. geeze.. its going to be alot of hard work. I mean, they have Registered Nurses working these positions and they are pushing for me to get into a position.

I get a lot of crap at work from patients (indirectly, nothing too blunt) about my age and being so young and not having kids.

I'm sorry I'm 22 and I havent decided to ruin my vagina. I mean, its way more than that but GEEZE Can't my maturity and intellect surpass that? In the world of women, NO. They always have to relate and know the experiences but that doesnt mean I'm unsympathetic to these women trying to get pregnant!! No I don't know what its like and I'm SORRY I havent been able to FULLY understand the emotional rollercoaster that some of the patients go through but wouldn't it be said for the male doctors? But they have age on their side and of course an established education with a MD at the end of their name.

GEEZE sometimes it just really isnt fair. Getting into the medical field is definitely something that takes time, experience, education, MONEY, age, wisdom... just the whole 9 yards. What can you do? What can I do.

well first off.. i need to recertify my CPR to start lol what a night...

so im really excited and happy with my new job working at the reproduction center. sometimes i feel really in over my head, sometimes I feel like im getting it. well, being there for 2 days and having such high expectations for myself... (plus the huge workload I'm suppose to do)i really tend to go up and down.

i almost passed out today in the OR, i think the combo of not eating breakfast and wearing the mask on my face did it. I had to leave the room twice with the first patient, I felt like such a pussy. And there was nothing really grotesque, I just could not breathe and it was killing me! but, i ate a sandwich and went in the second time and I stayed. It was funny though because they told me to take a mask home and wear it all the time so i could get used to it.. Looooooser.

sacrificing your social life to make a career for you really sucks sometimes. Ive been feeling down, because all of my yeah "so called friends" ditched me, dont talk to me anymore and pretty much want nothing to do with me. It hurt my feelings, because it happened for NO reason. At least, I dont have a reason for it, they just became total 100% bitches and ignored my ass.

i mean, success is attractive to a man,.. right???? not being a loser!! I mean one of my friends is older than me and she is still a waitress, never been to school NOT even a JC or ANYTHING, and.. she's basically a ho, a pothead, oh and anorexic, never really has money, and still lives at home. And the same can pretty much go for the other two friends that I have. how can you be a pothead and be anorexic? i dont know but thats what the bitch does!! they're stupid!!!!

i still go out when i can of course. i dont really smoke anymore, i really feel my brain cells burning up everytime i get high so... it was a good habit to kick--i didnt need to keep my pothead schedule up anyways because it doesnt get me anywhere.

all i can tell myself.. is the ant and the grasshopper story

that is the only thing that makes me happy. because when im ballin and established, loving my work, the people that i help and the life i have given myself...

those bitches will be still working a dead end piece of shit job with no education, and getting stoned and being nasty whores, and being worthless pieces of shit wasting oxygen and gas.

=) im feeling better.

so. adult life.

bills. being broke. blah. blah.

yeah that new job that started my new career and all that, i hate it. the doctor is the biggest asshole i've ever met in my life. he's actually the one person in my life that i can say I truly hate.

ive only been there since february and i can't wait to get out!

finally a calling came today from a Reproduction Center in San Ramon, i got an interview tomorrow at 3 and I am really excited. I just hope im not so excited that I get nervous and screw everything up.

My friend's aunt works there and I just hope that everything will work out. The only down side.. San Ramon, yeah okay I was able to handle that and THEN they tell me sometimes I would have to be going to their locations in San Jose or in Fremont!! That's like... 3 hours away from me =( I mean I was thinking about from to Walnut Creek or somewhere close, but San Jose??? Terrible.

But I said to myself "This is my career, and I must make the sacrifices to establish myself as an adult. That, and I need to stop getting fucked up every night with my friends!"

AMEN!!!

so, good luck to me tomorrow and I hope they will hire and pay me alot too!!!!!!!!!!

i started my new job today in walnut creek. sadly its a podiatrist. boooo. it really sucks to work in this kind of office I am going to admit it. But, its cool, foots in the door and I work Mon-Fri 7-4 everyday with decent pay but its alot of shit to put up with and do. I'm hoping that I do front office work because the back office SUCKS BALLS. Oh and I'm still waitressing at Mimi's Cafe. I have no idea how long I will hold up for working 7 days a week at two VERY different jobs. I'm not gonna take waitressing seriously THATS for damn sure, I will drop that place like a bad habit foooo. I only work there Saturday and Sunday too, I want to put in a request to work just 10-4 but they were pissed enough I said I can't work Mon-Fri... so I'll give it some time =D either that or I'm requesting every other weekend off hahahahamoohaha

oh and I got fucking jury duty? What the fuck is that?? I'm 21 and they want ME on a jury?? I hope its petty theft or something.

had the "moving in together" talk with jaime the other day. result? COLD FEET. of course, doesn't want it to happen because he thinks it's this HUGE serious move and blah blah. Goddammit, I pratically live there already, i sleep there basically everyday, we furnished the house together, we got cats together, I have a key, i do our laundry and I cook us dinner!! He's getting all these fucking perks and I am sick of it if he wants to pull shit like that. It drives me insane that he tells me this after 4 years of dating and months of me staying there.

fucking boys.

I'm #1!!!

thats what i need to do in life. I'm being a typical 21 year old but, I'm not getting anywhere right now LoL

i need to find out what I want to pursue a career in. The medical field.. maybe, but I'm just not really sure about it. I want to get a job doing it so I will find out, but.. that's only temporary satisfaction, but it'll lead to long term because I'm going to find out either YES I want this, or NO I fucking hate it.

i am really bored and I don't feel like going out and getting drunk or stoned because basically those are the type of people i've decided to have around me.

reality check is in need.. =/

so, this saturday im going to an interview with bank of america for their corporate office because the pay and benefits are sweeeet. i hope i get a 2nd interview, i REALLY DO! i wouldn't care commuting to concord at 6am!!! Aaahhaaa yeah I do actually care, but what the fuck else am I doing but rotting.

i got into a fender bender a few weeks ago. my precious car is damaged =( and... i haven't gotten it fixed, but only because when I do get it fixed I want to paint my car too =D and that will be sweeeet.

on other news.. me and my dad are completely open about weed. its the strangest yet "bestest" relationship IVE had with a family member LOL but whatever its cool!! i get it for my dad and he smokes me out as a favor. but seriously... i do need to cut back because with me possibly having to work M- F 7am-5pm or 8am-6pm... i can't be doing shit like that, i wouldn't be able to wake up for that shit!!

well jaime is going to mexico for two weeks to see the whole family. he said he'll be back dec 30th, but.. i wont get my hopes up for seeing him for new years. because im 21 and i do what I WANT. =D

oh and.. me and my best three girlfriend are all "beefing" with each other... so they say over some gay ass shit. wow, well whatever about that. I just finally realized you CAN out grow your friends if you let yourself get stuck in a certain continuum.... which is basically all 4 of us are really severe potheads.

yeah its called i want to have a life and be active and not a stoner. because when i'm a heavy and a complete stoner... i am inactive. I can't handle that shit doing regular things in my life, it's a pleasure thing only.. people who manage to do that throughout the day and live their lives.............

im jealous and i wish i could be like you. BUT!!! No it doesn't work out that way SO, I must cut back.



did i ever mention i finished phlebotomy school...

yes... i did... and guess what..

i dont even want to fucking do it anymore... and thats a story for another day.

OMG i have to write a 5,000 word essay for school and I'm barely at 3,000!! I just got to 2,570!! How IS THIS POSSIBLE!!!! GRRRRRR! I'm running out of things to write....waaah.

i just found out that this guy i used to work with a while ago, is now having a baby. that fucking sucks. this guy was SOOO excited to become a fire fighter and now i see it as... damn he's fucked now. how bad must is suck to have that happen? and this chick--well she seemed like she was "creepy, way to in love almost obsessed and possible stalker" chick. so.. i almost want to say it was on accident and this is her way of keeping him. but of course i can speculate ALLL i want but it's not the truthful answer.

but damn. that just sucks.

who wants kids when they're flippin 20 years old? No disrespect to those who have them and have wonderful lives, good for you, you did it.

but wow. if that were to happen to me? i feel like my life would be OVER. everything id want to achieve in my life would be worthless. I couldn't go to school, I couldn't get the job I wanted, i couldn't go OUT when I wanted, or leave when I want.. i couldn't even get a full nights sleep!! im sure it would be worth it when you have your own child in your arms smiling at you.. but you know what? I dont think about that crap, I think of what I would lose..

and THATS how you stop the youth of america from having babies. tell them their life would SUCK ASS and MAYBE that would help some kids out around here lol cause too many ppl having poppin out babies and it just gets wrong after a while. so what if i'm thinking about just myself? I CAN IF I WANT. I'm 20 and I'm fucking l myself! Well.. I'm not THAT selfish, because I love my family more than anything else. But.. Booooo on kids!!!

BOO BABIES!

and that, is what really grinds my gears.

so here i am. waiting still to start school. my dad says he's still going to pay. thats the last time im listening to my mom. i feel as if,.. my life is on pause until I get into this phlebotomy class, and get my license and start work somewhere. That is what I'm waiting for, that is what I'm depending on. If that were to fall through, I'm not too sure what other path I would take. Other than.. trying to get credits to become a CNA, or just getting a job as a MA.

it takes nothing but time. which i dont want to keep on giving!!! but I have a few things to look forward to until my class starts in aug, my friends wedding is in two weeks, her bachorlette party is this weekend, and then the weekend after that my grandmother is flying in from the east coast, she'll be here for i think 1 week or two weeks. so.. hopefully that'll be a months worth of crap to keep my busy, other than getting my paperwork together for school.

which reminds me I have to call to get my physical records to send to my new school. they want SOOO much paperwork to get into this stuff, but it only makes sense. Anyone can walk in there with 3 grand wanting a license, well.. they need to know you're serious.

one thing i am trying to do is crash diet, so far 1 day has been successful. I'm not proud of it, but... whatever. It's stupid, yes, it's unhealthy, yes. But, I want results that badly, that is how sad my situation is. I'm almost tempted to get off my birth control because it makes me crave food like crazy sometimes. Yes, I'm willing to give up great sex to get fitLOL LAME!!! But whatever, I'll suffer for a month at the most, and then I'll go back to doing it healthy.


yeah, life moves on. but damn.. i really wish I could eat right now!!! GRRR!!!!!!!!

yah same shit different day.

im starting school in august (hopefully) for phlebotomy. im SO excited. I went to my orientation today and it made me so anxious!!! I CANT WAIT A MONTH. until i saw all the paperwork they needed and then I said.. 'oh yes i sure can wait!' PLUS i didn't even think of it, but I need to take a drug test.

...
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......

..never thought i'd have to worry about that lol. SOO its gonna be a LOOONG month. I think this will be my last weekend to blaze. And then, cold turkey, no more. Sucks. but then I'm partying afterwards! hopefully =/ other than that, its day by day for things to progress. i figured my plan is to have a real job by the end of the year. thats good time I think. And, I've also planned that for my b-day im of course doing it up in vegas. But who to bring?? I just want a couple friends. The ones that'll hold my hair haha which is dana and kandice. id bring stephanie but apparently she's going to vegas for her birthday too, but shes only turning 20???? looooser. she just wants to be in the "we're turning 21 and going vegas" club. access denied.

im pooped from work. i actually worked =( i had a reaaaaly long day. Woke up at 7am for an app. at 830, and then orientation at 11, and then I had errands to run until work at 5, and i just got home from work. Not only that, my parents are debating on whether or not to pay for my schooling. wow.. you tell me this now?? when im actually starting? how great.

so thoughtful.

me and jaime of course aren't doing well. we have "issues" or at least I do with him. And he is being himself so that just makes the problem worse times 100000000000000. he swears that he doesnt make it a big deal. if i didnt know any better, id hand him midol, chocolate, wine, Meet Joe Black and tell him to call me tomorrow.

geeze. wow. how great is that guys?? do you smell a sequel? nice.

MAAAAN. im passing out. and going to work my ass off in the gym tomorrow before i work. have a great life world.